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Fading friendships: how -not- to end them

Thu Jan 10, 2008, 10:31 PM
  • Mood: Torment
  • Listening to: Roisin Murphy/Celine Dion
  • Reading: nothing..know any good manga?
  • Watching: Dragonaut/DeathNote
  • Playing: with my rats
  • Eating: my words..always...
  • Drinking: those Godiva bottle coffee things.
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So I sat down to my computer tonight to check emails and stuff before going to bed at my new mandatory bedtime, 11 pm. It's well past that now, because I feel I need to talk about this with -somebody-.

In my email I see a message from one of my oldest and best friends from college, titled "no problem". I think to myself, hmm, this is probably not good, let's read it. Now, it's been nearly a decade since I saw this person in front of me. Anyways, over the years she's been fairly consistent in keeping me updated with her life, her travels, etc. I have steadily found it harder and harder to reply to these emails or post cards though...because I dont know what to say anymore.

Something that's taken me years to come to terms with, is that people will walk in and out of your life until you die. Life really is a highway. You drive with people for awhile..but eventually they exit. New people enter, and you drive with them for awhile. Eventually you may need to exit. Everyone has different destinations and roads they must take to reach those end points. We all must say goodbye to people at one point or another. It's sad, but it's how life is.

I have a big problem with resentment for people who walk out of my life, for whatever reason, logical or illogical. It comes from losing my most loved family members and friends steadily throughout my life. Im very used to it, I even expect it, but I never really really let go of it. Which is why when people leave me, leave my world, my city, my state...I tend to block them out. My brain's way of protecting me from the pain that occurs when people leave my life is to simply say, "Ok, that was wonderful. Moving along." It doesnt mean I stop caring for or loving these people. It simply means you are gone, I am sad that you are gone, but now there are other things that demand my attention.

My friend basically wrote me to tell me she's ending our near decade-long friendship. She was "cutting the fat". That she was sick of our friendship being "one sided". I didnt know there was a side... I stopped responding to her because I didnt know what to say anymore. What do we have in common anymore? Do you really care about my life? Why? You're not here! Im a thousand miles away from you.

I never forget the people who've driven with me on the highway of life. I alwas remember the people who've given me their friendship or love, and then gone. But when you walk out of my life, that is my que to say "Goodbye, until we meet again." When there are oceans and plains dividing us, different friends, different jobs, different pathways, how can I possibly remain as close to you as I once was? You left to persue your life, which we all had to do. I will always care for you, and always remember you. If you ever come back, I will be here for you. But right now, you're not in my life other than fragmented emails and poorly timed phone messages. I have a job, friends (some more dramatic than others), health problems, money problems, my family members are dying, I have a jillion pets, art shows, a boyfriend, ETC. Im sorry I can't follow you around the globe, and Im sorry we're not in college anymore where everything was awesome and we could hang out every day. You left my life to persue our own life. It is natural. And, if you ever come down my part of the road again, I will most certainly let you on the ramp with ease, and I will be so happy to see you.

Never ever assume that just because you don't hear from someone that they don't care about you. It's just life's way, blowing people in different directions. What if you just dont know what to say anymore?? Dont "cut the fat" off your life, you may want it back someday. I know everyone who I havent talked to in ages, I still think about you. I may not pester you every fucking week with boring details about my life...but goddamit I still think about your asses, with a smile no less. So when you think of telling me off for being a shitty friend, just know how bad it effin' hurts.

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I have some friendships from High school that I think have died by now.....or I should say, they haven't died, but we've moved on with our lives.

Whenever I run into those people, we stop and have a friendly chat, and we move on again. You shouldn't feel bad - if anything, I think your friend shouldn't have sent you anything about "cutting off" your friendship with them. I think it's better to just not say anything if friends separate like that - that way, if you see each other again, then it'll be a nice experience instead of an unpleasent one.

--
If you are reading this signature, than you just lost the game.
Yes, she ended our friendship on a cold note. Now I dont want to ever see her again, cause what would there be to say? I would never have written someone like that, to tell them those things. Geeze.

--
Shawnna Bass
:trout: :trout: :trout: :trout: :trout:


"Believe none of what you hear, and only half of what you see."--my grandma
Your so right about friendships D: Ive had lots of really close friends in the past that I never talk to anymore but that doesn't mean I don't care about them or don't think about them. But people change, thats why its so hard to be friends with someone for so long. ): But they will always be your friends in your memories <3

I cant believe your friend would do that to you D: Just not writing to you any more woulda been better then like completely cutting you off. It sorta bring a null to any happy memories there were ya know? T_T

--
Raito + L = :heart:
I certainly understand how you feel, but I have been through a similar situation. There was a person that I was really good friends with; they stopped calling/hanging out, didn't tell me they were moving to California (and never bothered to give me my stuff back) They emailed me a year later to talk about "problems" and I was like WTF?! I didn't end the friendship, but I told them how I felt from them not talking to me- they sent me another email stating that they didn't mean anything by it, bla bla bla, we started talking and once her "issue" was resolved she disappeared again. I wouldn't call it cutting the fat, but I hate it when people use me only when they need something. Sorry for the rant; I think people can maintain their friendships through cyberspace. Though personally I think it's better to know where you stand with someone else than to just keep on guessing. That can hurt too.

--
Art is the question to your answer. ~Me

Life Lessons Learned from Videogames:

"Be evil First; you can always use your ill gotten gains to buy your way back into Good's graces."

~Fable (#87)
Ick.. that's definitely rough!

It's such a rough situation all around.. Because people do move on to different lives and dreams. It's NOT that easy to suddenly relate to someone you haven't seen in years..

I totally understand how you feel though- I've had several of my friends suddenly pop back into my life after years, and it's just hard to know what to say to them.. Lord knows, I DON'T want to dwell on highschool/college drama with them.. and it ends up seeming like that's all we have in common.. it's just shitty I suppose...

--
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I find it strange that she would email you to tell you she's not going to be your friend anymore. I've lost touch with people, but none of them has told me they were cutting me loose, you know? They've just disappeared, never returned my last phone call, stopped sending xmas cards, etc. I've never been told, that's it. I find that very strange.

--
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Yeah, that's the normal thing to do. I dont find it hateful if someone just disappears, I simply figure they're living their life. I dont necessarily find it strange, because it's not necessarily beyond this person's capabilities to be an asshat, but I was very shocked. I have lost touch with a lot of people over the years, and while it stings, that's just the way it goes. You meet new people, que sera. You dont stop caring or remembering.

--
Shawnna Bass
:trout: :trout: :trout: :trout: :trout:


"Believe none of what you hear, and only half of what you see."--my grandma
I just feel weird talking about my mundane life to people. What do I say? "I have pets. I have a job, woot. I have some friends that I watch movies with."

This is the second time over the last few years for someone to walk back into my life after a huge, huge absense, and then get mad at ME for not letting them hop right back on the train of my world. It offends me to the brink. Its like dammit, don't expect me to make things convenient for you when you're the one who left.

--
Shawnna Bass
:trout: :trout: :trout: :trout: :trout:


"Believe none of what you hear, and only half of what you see."--my grandma

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ShoutBoard

From: Austin Chronicle Newspaper
By: Michael Ventura
-------------------------------------------------
No concept lies more firmly embedded in our national character than the notion that the USA is "No. 1," "the greatest." Our broadcast media are, in essence, continuous advertisements for the brand name "America Is No. 1." Any office seeker saying otherwise would be committing political suicide. In fact, anyone saying otherwise will be labeled "un-American." We're an "empire," ain't we? Sure we are. An empire without a manufacturing base. An empire that must borrow $2 billion a day from its competitors in order to function. Yet the delusion is ineradicable. We're No. 1. Well ... this is the country you really live in:

• The United States is 49th in the world in literacy (The New York Times, Dec. 12, 2004).

• The United States ranked 28th out of 40 countries in mathematical literacy (NYT, Dec. 12, 2004).

• One-third of our science teachers and one-half of our math teachers did not major in those subjects. (Quoted on The West Wing, but you can trust it – their researchers are legendary.)

• Twenty percent of Americans think the sun orbits the Earth. Seventeen percent believe the Earth revolves around the sun once a day (The Week, Jan. 7, 2005).

• "The International Adult Literacy Survey ... found that Americans with less than nine years of education 'score worse than virtually all of the other countries'" (Jeremy Rifkin's superbly documented book The European Dream

: How Europe's Vision of the Future Is Quietly Eclipsing the American Dream, p.78).
• Our workers are so ignorant, and lack so many basic skills, that American businesses spend $30 billion a year on remedial training (NYT, Dec. 12, 2004). No wonder they relocate elsewhere!

• "The European Union leads the U.S. in ... the number of science and engineering graduates; public research and development (R&D) expenditures; and new capital raised" (The European Dream, p.70).

• "Europe surpassed the United States in the mid-1990s as the largest producer of scientific literature" (The European Dream, p.70).

• Nevertheless, Congress cut funds to the National Science Foundation. The agency will issue 1,000 fewer research grants this year (NYT, Dec. 21, 2004).

• Foreign applications to U.S. grad schools declined 28% last year. Foreign student enrollment on all levels fell for the first time in three decades, but increased greatly in Europe and China. Last year Chinese grad-school graduates in the U.S. dropped 56%, Indians 51%, South Koreans 28% (NYT, Dec. 21, 2004). We're not the place to be anymore.

• The World Health Organization "ranked the countries of the world in terms of overall health performance, and the U.S. [was] ... 37th." In the fairness of health care, we're 54th. "The irony is that the United States spends more per capita for health care than any other nation in the world" (The European Dream, pp.79-80). Pay more, get lots, lots less.

• "The U.S. and South Africa are the only two developed countries in the world that do not provide health care for all their citizens" (The European Dream, p.80). Excuse me, but since when is South Africa a "developed" country? Anyway, that's the company we're keeping.

• Lack of health insurance coverage causes 18,000 unnecessary American deaths a year. (That's six times the number of people killed on 9/11.) (NYT, Jan. 12, 2005.)

• "U.S. childhood poverty now ranks 22nd, or second to last, among the developed nations. Only Mexico scores lower" (The European Dream, p.81). Been to Mexico lately? Does it look "developed" to you? Yet it's the only "developed" country to score lower in childhood poverty.

• Twelve million American families – more than 10% of all U.S. households – "continue to struggle, and not always successfully, to feed themselves." Families that "had members who actually went hungry at some point last year" numbered 3.9 million (NYT, Nov. 22, 2004).

• The United States is 41st in the world in infant mortality. Cuba scores higher (NYT, Jan. 12, 2005).

• Women are 70% more likely to die in childbirth in America than in Europe (NYT, Jan. 12, 2005).

• The leading cause of death of pregnant women in this country is murder (CNN, Dec. 14, 2004).

• "Of the 20 most developed countries in the world, the U.S. was dead last in the growth rate of total compensation to its work-force in the 1980s. ... In the 1990s, the U.S. average compensation growth rate grew only slightly, at an annual rate of about 0.1%" (The European Dream, p.39). Yet Americans work longer hours per year than any other industrialized country, and get less vacation time.

• "Sixty-one of the 140 biggest companies on the Global Fortune 500 rankings are European, while only 50 are U.S. companies" (The European Dream, p.66). "In a recent survey of the world's 50 best companies, conducted by Global Finance, all but one was European" (The European Dream, p.69).

• "Fourteen of the 20 largest commercial banks in the world today are European. ... In the chemical industry, the European company BASF is the world's leader, and three of the top six players are European. In engineering and construction, three of the top five companies are European. ... The two others are Japanese. Not a single American engineering and construction company is included among the world's top nine competitors. In food and consumer products, Nestlé and Unilever, two European giants, rank first and second, respectively, in the world. In the food and drugstore retail trade, two European companies ... are first and second, and European companies make up five of the top 10. Only four U.S. companies are on the list" (The European Dream, p.68).

• The United States has lost 1.3 million jobs to China in the last decade (CNN, Jan. 12, 2005).

• U.S. employers eliminated 1 million jobs in 2004 (The Week, Jan. 14, 2005).

• Three million six hundred thousand Americans ran out of unemployment insurance last year; 1.8 million – one in five – unemployed workers are jobless for more than six months (NYT, Jan. 9, 2005).

• Japan, China, Taiwan, and South Korea hold 40% of our government debt. (That's why we talk nice to them.) "By helping keep mortgage rates from rising, China has come to play an enormous and little-noticed role in sustaining the American housing boom" (NYT, Dec. 4, 2004). Read that twice. We owe our housing boom to China, because they want us to keep buying all that stuff they manufacture.

• Sometime in the next 10 years Brazil will probably pass the U.S. as the world's largest agricultural producer. Brazil is now the world's largest exporter of chickens, orange juice, sugar, coffee, and tobacco. Last year, Brazil passed the U.S. as the world's largest beef producer. (Hear that, you poor deluded cowboys?) As a result, while we bear record trade deficits, Brazil boasts a $30 billion trade surplus (NYT, Dec. 12, 2004).

• As of last June, the U.S. imported more food than it exported (NYT, Dec. 12, 2004).

• Bush: 62,027,582 votes. Kerry: 59,026,003 votes. Number of eligible voters who didn't show up: 79,279,000 (NYT, Dec. 26, 2004). That's more than a third. Way more. If more than a third of Iraqis don't show for their election, no country in the world will think that election legitimate.

• One-third of all U.S. children are born out of wedlock. One-half of all U.S. children will live in a one-parent house (CNN, Dec. 10, 2004).

• "Americans are now spending more money on gambling than on movies, videos, DVDs, music, and books combined" (The European Dream, p.28).

• "Nearly one out of four Americans [believe] that using violence to get what they want is acceptable" (The European Dream, p.32).

• Forty-three percent of Americans think torture is sometimes justified, according to a PEW Poll (Associated Press, Aug. 19, 2004).

• "Nearly 900,000 children were abused or neglected in 2002, the last year for which such data are available" (USA Today, Dec. 21, 2004).

• "The International Association of Chiefs of Police said that cuts by the [Bush] administration in federal aid to local police agencies have left the nation more vulnerable than ever" (USA Today, Nov. 17, 2004).

No. 1? In most important categories we're not even in the Top 10 anymore. Not even close.

The USA is "No. 1" in nothing but weaponry, consumer spending, debt, and delusion.
--------------------------------------------------

Pretty f'n sad isnt it?

Shoutbox

*PhoenixAshesRats:iconPhoenixAshesRats:
*rat romps over shoutbox* :)
Sat Sep 30, 2006, 1:16 PM
~enialadam:iconenialadam:
rarrgh!!!!
Fri Jan 7, 2005, 10:53 AM
~darkmochi:icondarkmochi:
:spam: XD
Wed Dec 8, 2004, 5:38 AM
!infodigiusa:iconinfodigiusa:
:cling: Hope you feel better soon :hug:
Tue Aug 10, 2004, 6:04 PM
*bassanimation:iconbassanimation:
Yay, back from home! :wave: Thumb kills...going to put more ice...ouch ouch ouc...
Sun Jul 4, 2004, 11:10 PM
=Keiniku-Michiru:iconKeiniku-Michiru:
Can't wait to see you finished projects!
Fri Jul 2, 2004, 4:58 PM
=Keiniku-Michiru:iconKeiniku-Michiru:
um...i mean three
Wed Jun 30, 2004, 10:33 PM
=Keiniku-Michiru:iconKeiniku-Michiru:
YAY!... responds two days later...hehe
Wed Jun 30, 2004, 10:33 PM
*bassanimation:iconbassanimation:
Oh wow, more people visiting! Of course! :welcome:
Mon Jun 28, 2004, 8:39 PM
=Keiniku-Michiru:iconKeiniku-Michiru:
Can i join the party?
Mon Jun 28, 2004, 3:09 PM

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Shoutboard

From: Austin Chronicle Newspaper
By: Michael Ventura
-------------------------------------------------
No concept lies more firmly embedded in our national character than the notion that the USA is "No. 1," "the greatest." Our broadcast media are, in essence, continuous advertisements for the brand name "America Is No. 1." Any office seeker saying otherwise would be committing political suicide. In fact, anyone saying otherwise will be labeled "un-American." We're an "empire," ain't we? Sure we are. An empire without a manufacturing base. An empire that must borrow $2 billion a day from its competitors in order to function. Yet the delusion is ineradicable. We're No. 1. Well ... this is the country you really live in:

• The United States is 49th in the world in literacy (The New York Times, Dec. 12, 2004).

• The United States ranked 28th out of 40 countries in mathematical literacy (NYT, Dec. 12, 2004).

• One-third of our science teachers and one-half of our math teachers did not major in those subjects. (Quoted on The West Wing, but you can trust it – their researchers are legendary.)

• Twenty percent of Americans think the sun orbits the Earth. Seventeen percent believe the Earth revolves around the sun once a day (The Week, Jan. 7, 2005).

• "The International Adult Literacy Survey ... found that Americans with less than nine years of education 'score worse than virtually all of the other countries'" (Jeremy Rifkin's superbly documented book The European Dream

: How Europe's Vision of the Future Is Quietly Eclipsing the American Dream, p.78).
• Our workers are so ignorant, and lack so many basic skills, that American businesses spend $30 billion a year on remedial training (NYT, Dec. 12, 2004). No wonder they relocate elsewhere!

• "The European Union leads the U.S. in ... the number of science and engineering graduates; public research and development (R&D) expenditures; and new capital raised" (The European Dream, p.70).

• "Europe surpassed the United States in the mid-1990s as the largest producer of scientific literature" (The European Dream, p.70).

• Nevertheless, Congress cut funds to the National Science Foundation. The agency will issue 1,000 fewer research grants this year (NYT, Dec. 21, 2004).

• Foreign applications to U.S. grad schools declined 28% last year. Foreign student enrollment on all levels fell for the first time in three decades, but increased greatly in Europe and China. Last year Chinese grad-school graduates in the U.S. dropped 56%, Indians 51%, South Koreans 28% (NYT, Dec. 21, 2004). We're not the place to be anymore.

• The World Health Organization "ranked the countries of the world in terms of overall health performance, and the U.S. [was] ... 37th." In the fairness of health care, we're 54th. "The irony is that the United States spends more per capita for health care than any other nation in the world" (The European Dream, pp.79-80). Pay more, get lots, lots less.

• "The U.S. and South Africa are the only two developed countries in the world that do not provide health care for all their citizens" (The European Dream, p.80). Excuse me, but since when is South Africa a "developed" country? Anyway, that's the company we're keeping.

• Lack of health insurance coverage causes 18,000 unnecessary American deaths a year. (That's six times the number of people killed on 9/11.) (NYT, Jan. 12, 2005.)

• "U.S. childhood poverty now ranks 22nd, or second to last, among the developed nations. Only Mexico scores lower" (The European Dream, p.81). Been to Mexico lately? Does it look "developed" to you? Yet it's the only "developed" country to score lower in childhood poverty.

• Twelve million American families – more than 10% of all U.S. households – "continue to struggle, and not always successfully, to feed themselves." Families that "had members who actually went hungry at some point last year" numbered 3.9 million (NYT, Nov. 22, 2004).

• The United States is 41st in the world in infant mortality. Cuba scores higher (NYT, Jan. 12, 2005).

• Women are 70% more likely to die in childbirth in America than in Europe (NYT, Jan. 12, 2005).

• The leading cause of death of pregnant women in this country is murder (CNN, Dec. 14, 2004).

• "Of the 20 most developed countries in the world, the U.S. was dead last in the growth rate of total compensation to its work-force in the 1980s. ... In the 1990s, the U.S. average compensation growth rate grew only slightly, at an annual rate of about 0.1%" (The European Dream, p.39). Yet Americans work longer hours per year than any other industrialized country, and get less vacation time.

• "Sixty-one of the 140 biggest companies on the Global Fortune 500 rankings are European, while only 50 are U.S. companies" (The European Dream, p.66). "In a recent survey of the world's 50 best companies, conducted by Global Finance, all but one was European" (The European Dream, p.69).

• "Fourteen of the 20 largest commercial banks in the world today are European. ... In the chemical industry, the European company BASF is the world's leader, and three of the top six players are European. In engineering and construction, three of the top five companies are European. ... The two others are Japanese. Not a single American engineering and construction company is included among the world's top nine competitors. In food and consumer products, Nestlé and Unilever, two European giants, rank first and second, respectively, in the world. In the food and drugstore retail trade, two European companies ... are first and second, and European companies make up five of the top 10. Only four U.S. companies are on the list" (The European Dream, p.68).

• The United States has lost 1.3 million jobs to China in the last decade (CNN, Jan. 12, 2005).

• U.S. employers eliminated 1 million jobs in 2004 (The Week, Jan. 14, 2005).

• Three million six hundred thousand Americans ran out of unemployment insurance last year; 1.8 million – one in five – unemployed workers are jobless for more than six months (NYT, Jan. 9, 2005).

• Japan, China, Taiwan, and South Korea hold 40% of our government debt. (That's why we talk nice to them.) "By helping keep mortgage rates from rising, China has come to play an enormous and little-noticed role in sustaining the American housing boom" (NYT, Dec. 4, 2004). Read that twice. We owe our housing boom to China, because they want us to keep buying all that stuff they manufacture.

• Sometime in the next 10 years Brazil will probably pass the U.S. as the world's largest agricultural producer. Brazil is now the world's largest exporter of chickens, orange juice, sugar, coffee, and tobacco. Last year, Brazil passed the U.S. as the world's largest beef producer. (Hear that, you poor deluded cowboys?) As a result, while we bear record trade deficits, Brazil boasts a $30 billion trade surplus (NYT, Dec. 12, 2004).

• As of last June, the U.S. imported more food than it exported (NYT, Dec. 12, 2004).

• Bush: 62,027,582 votes. Kerry: 59,026,003 votes. Number of eligible voters who didn't show up: 79,279,000 (NYT, Dec. 26, 2004). That's more than a third. Way more. If more than a third of Iraqis don't show for their election, no country in the world will think that election legitimate.

• One-third of all U.S. children are born out of wedlock. One-half of all U.S. children will live in a one-parent house (CNN, Dec. 10, 2004).

• "Americans are now spending more money on gambling than on movies, videos, DVDs, music, and books combined" (The European Dream, p.28).

• "Nearly one out of four Americans [believe] that using violence to get what they want is acceptable" (The European Dream, p.32).

• Forty-three percent of Americans think torture is sometimes justified, according to a PEW Poll (Associated Press, Aug. 19, 2004).

• "Nearly 900,000 children were abused or neglected in 2002, the last year for which such data are available" (USA Today, Dec. 21, 2004).

• "The International Association of Chiefs of Police said that cuts by the [Bush] administration in federal aid to local police agencies have left the nation more vulnerable than ever" (USA Today, Nov. 17, 2004).

No. 1? In most important categories we're not even in the Top 10 anymore. Not even close.

The USA is "No. 1" in nothing but weaponry, consumer spending, debt, and delusion.
--------------------------------------------------

Pretty f'n sad isnt it?

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